blank blank fullness

My heart's been broken, my heart's been stifled, it's been lost amidst foreign languages, habits, and rules. It's been drugged and drunk, slowed and sparked with the touch of another's heart, behind a chest these hearts of ours rest and when they magnetize for real, out comes our best, flying us into the heavens on Earth where we seem to need to be so bad, so good, for the best
It's been stomped on, thrown to the wall, fallen to the floor, shed invisible tears, it's lost its beat every now and then through the years,
it kept going though it may have been deaf to my ears
My heart's felt joyous gratitude and sorrow with loss, regret for times its owner wouldn't let it talk, saddened time and time again when things didn't go as planned, my heart still sticks to it's dreams, even when my hands wander through other scenes...
The ancients told me that my heart is where the true mind lies
though my heart's been off while my mind ran the show, it watched,
undercover spy
Blocked, bruised, banished, ignored and angered, there it goes beatin' away, my heart waits with work to always do
And as time goes on
And as we fade
Our hearts ache on, push on, shine on
Til the final resting day
Wake it up
Give it a hand
Tell your heart
Baby, you understand
Listen to its stories
Move to the rhythm it gives you
Meditate to heal that heart
Piece it back to whole
Don't forget it needs you too
Don't forget you're all
You're all it's got to be
Lovin' you n you n you n you n you............

I have nothing to lose
and that's the worst of it
the emptiness your presence takes on
fills me with regret
of some days that went so wrong
the awkwardness, a thick mist
two bodies made of stone
a camera, the click of something paid and lost
I've let it go
then why does it still wreck like a bad dream
it's never what it seems
moments lost to bad memories
on the spot
down came that house of cards
and I lost all my winnings

The last page of this month's Flaunt magazine.

And when you don't have to be perfect you are free to be your self. Which is essentially, anything and everything at the right times in the right ways, always.

Every once in a while there comes along an artist who restores your faith in (real) music. They capture you with familiarity. They keep you with their novelty. And all of a sudden you're energized, inspired, touched in that unexplainable way that sorta just shook the earth beneath your feet. Totally turned on.

For me, this happy surprise came Friday night at The Bowery Electric during Cantora Records' CMJ showcase.
HAIM hails from LA. They're a band fronted by three sisters with two chaps in the back on drums and keys. They've got a deadly and powerful cocktail of impactful, raspy and emotion-laced vocals; song structures that avoid staid, expected progressions; catchy lyrics (in the good way); the stage banter of someone comfortable in their skin and sense of humor; and mega-solos. Artist comparisons flooded my head as I watched; Fleetwood Mac, The XX, John Mayer, Tracy Chapman, Nirvana; and yet they're incomparable.

These chicks rock
Proof:




The finale

I'm on a piano binge, can't help the love the keys strike in me for a gently drifting melody
This video contains a beautiful nudity to accompany the pace of intimate symphonies

"The art of life is getting the messages."
 
On a deserted Brooklyn street this morning I walked past this:


Someone's unwanted fortunes lay in pieces. Something made me stop. Something about wanting a message. And I love fortune cookies (the fortune part at least).
So I tore open the small bag and gingerly pulled out the 3" x 3/4" strip of random messages


And, because I want to learn Chinese:

I'm just a mortal with a heart
And I let love control me
Because it's the only thing
Worth anything
Worth everything

It was just Fashion Week in New York and I had the opportunity to cover Vivienne Tam's presentation of her new "Fashion Yoga" line for the popular yoga blog, Yoga Dork. It would be like me to take something as benign and nice, nice as an outdoor yoga class presenting yoga clothes and turn it into a deep philosophical question on spirituality, consumerism, authenticity and the like. If you get to really know me, that could get annoying. Especially if you don't like thinking. In which case, it probably won't ever get to that point. But hey - I'm a Libra so, don't worry, I'm mindful of balance (hence get kooky and physically spontaneous).

You know -- what can I say, I go off the top of my mind...

Here's my review. Lots of questions come up and hopefully it gets you interested in looking at yourself and your own choices, whether or not they have anything to do with yoga or fashion (they do). I know I'm still thinking a lot about our present-day structure, it driving behavior and beliefs; how it's built on ideas of the past, adapting to needs of today, planning for an unknown, yet marginally projectable (not really a word) future; the mash ups of tech and spirit, body as our home and our home in this world. To paraphrase some wisdom from my morning session today at Kula Tribeca: "It's never going to be perfect, resolved; the ends will never tie up neatly. Never, ever, ever, ever. And thank God." But is that an excuse for laziness and irresponsible choices? ..... Nyet, Nu, Non, Nein, Não, Manan, Na, Iie. Guess it's got me thinking about honestly responsible choices too...

I also have to give credit to Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche for the term 'spiritual materialism' and my teacher David Micheal Hollander for introducing me to it. Here's the video of Chogyam speaking on the concept, worth watching all the way through:


From Wiki:

In Trungpa's presentation, spiritual materialism can fall into three categories — what he calls the three "Lords of Materialism" (Tibetan: lalo literally "barbarian") — in which a form of materialism is mistaken to bring long term happiness but instead only brings short term entertainment, followed by longer term suffering:

1. Physical materialism is the belief that possessions can bring release from suffering. In Trungpa's view, they may bring temporary happiness but then more suffering in the endless pursuit of creating one's environment to be just right. Or on another level it may cause a misuderstanding like, "I am rich because I have this or that" or "I am a teacher (or whatever) because I have a diploma (or whatever)."
2. Psychological materialism is the belief that a particular philosophy, belief system, or point of view will bring release from suffering. So seeking refuge by strongly identifying with a particular religion,^[5] philosophy, political party or viewpoint, for example, would be psychological materialism. From this the conventional usage of spiritual materialism arises, by identifying oneself as Buddhist or some other label, or by collecting initiations and spiritual accomplishments, one further constructs a solidified view of ego.^[2]
3. Spiritual materialism is the belief that a certain temporary state of mind is a refuge from suffering. An example would be using meditation practices to create a peaceful state of mind, or using drugs or alcohol to remain in a numbed out or a blissful state. According to Trungpa, these states are temporary and merely heighten the suffering when they cease. So attempting to maintain a particular emotional state of mind as a refuge from suffering, or constantly pursuing particular emotional states of mind like being in love, will actually lead to more long term suffering.

That last line moved me deeply last night. I've heard and read variations on this before, but something in the way this reads... buoys me.

I love macro shots, decontextualizing form and feeling

Here's a little series of Mex-Tex (textures in Mexico).

Designer's wet dream

As a writer and lover of books, I can wholeheartedly vouch for the power of a good story line, a kernel of an idea, an essential moral expanded by way of characters, situations, places and turning points. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Don't judge a life by the stories people tell around it. Gossip is a virus that turns the tides away from truth and health. And each of us has the power to remain free of the virus, to control the agreements we unconsciously or consciously make with ideas, with convenient stories. Keeping our power of discrimination to keep the mind and spirit free of hurtful, downgrading stories; how crucial to fulfillment.

Stories, like photographs and paintings, are snapshots, images which convey feeling as filtered by each viewer. Feeling is fleeting. The snapshot does not encompass what was going on behind the scenes, what was going on inside. And to me, what's important, crucial, to a true experience (which in turn serves as rich fodder for a true story: read: one that inspires a greater good in action) is the integrity of the characters behind it.

A story is an image in words. When addressing the "story of your life", what is more important to you? The way a story looks and sounds, or how you felt while it was being written? Living skin vs. shiny leather boots? How can we value vanity: the end product, the image; especially when it comes from a source of hurt and imbalance? Why is choosing peace and sourcing insights from that place less satisfying, and when you do choose it, seemingly more difficult? How can we work to reverse the limitations society has imposed upon our frames of thought, our ability to value and choose what is truly liberating; from a place of openness, vulnerability without victims, trust without ulterior motives and community support without tearing others down when they don't fit the mold?

Legends come in many shapes. The stories tell many ways. But how did you live it in the now? Stories can be embellished, will be read through the eyes of the reader, not those of the writer. We all have filters, shaped by our own lives, experiences, beliefs, perceptions. Conversely, you cannot read your life through anyone else's lens. And we know that. Yet we still stifle our voices in an effort to be 'perfect'. Or well liked. Or to keep the shareholders happy. Or to keep the waves of profit flowing in the direction of someone who exercises control through fear or abuse of power. Keep your power. See your power.

You cannot judge your life as inspiring or not with any sort of accuracy unless you yourself were inspired while living. If you're living to write a story, then what are you doing now? Writing or living? The ego likes the way it sounds. The story arch: the picture of struggle, success, power and control over the self. But true happiness doesn't care; as long as it's authentic. If you filter your happiness through the ego, it will always fluctuate with what you are or are not getting, with the silent checks and balances being accounted for from a place of emptiness, lack, or fear. It is up to each of us to realize we start with, and always have, everything we need, that we each have the ultimate control behind that force; behind any external force be it government, peer groups, religion, your closest relatives, your ego self. It starts with you. One small step for your self, one big step for everyone else.

Stay true.

Clear the fog. Stories aren't real. But your life can be.